rant: Ecclesiastical

Ecc
1.) an expression of the way one feels which correlates to the Hebrew scripture of Ecclesiastes
2.) a state of being that is between theism and atheism and slightly diverted from agnosticism
3.) the way I felt two weekends ago.

Blame the weather changing. Blame the fact that my relatives keep dying. Blame the lady at starbucks that kept twitching while reading the bible. Blame the enemy to faithfulness. Blame eulogies. Blame doubt. Blame modern science and Time magazine. Blame me. Blame christians. Blame truth.

For whatever reason, Ecc, is what I have been the past couple days. Not sure what exactly fired it up. I don't think we humans think about death enough in non emotional times. I would say we even busy ourselves as a distraction to forget the thought of possibility of non-being. Non-being is something that we have experienced before and almost can't fathom now... and if non-being is reality it is something that we can only be fearful about now as we live.

On top of the primal instinct of survival and why-am-I-here mentality lies something much more tangible and could even have been the origin point of this whole brain stir. If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we of all men are to be most pitied. [see Desiring God Post] The down on your knees getting dirty issue is that of integrity of life style. Social/cultural fear plagues us.

If the hardcore evolutionary scientist are correct, even though life is a type of miracle [which they would probably never say] there is no reason to hold back on desires and wants and expression because really it doesn't matter if you are a dick or a whore or murderer or a terrible father or anything really. Looking good or smart or important to others is a terrible facade. Building up and investing in society or your children or a cause is pointless because you're never going to experience any of that and who knows who will screw up your plan. If you don't live day by day to get the most pleasure, and I mean totally selfish what feels good do it pleasure, your living in some fear based cultural bubble trying to fit in with a society that is stupid and running around chasing the wind trying to shove smoke in their pockets. Though, possibly you want to be just nice enough so as someone doesn’t take you out of the picture so that you can extend your time and enjoy more of life which you won’t ever recall in your non-being state. And deception is really the key here, get better result quicker.

And Christians… I should meet one of them everyday if they confess they believe what that Book of theirs says. They’d probably piss me off cause they would say something offensive and yet I think afterwards I would realize they spoke very sincerely to me and I was more upset with the message than the deliverer. But still, there is this love God love others thing that they can’t seem to grasp. You have been reborn from death to life and have been connected to the Creator and have been given some Breath of Life to help you live and yet live like the rest of the world? And it's not that they have to be perfect, but i rarely come across a sincere person who is vigorously pursing God and hoisting up “the sail of saving faith that catches the wind of the Holy Spirit” and the ones that do say they are doing this seem to be the same person in their day to day personality even though they took a missions trip and were “really Christian” for a week. It seems like we come across masters of behavioral modification rather than those enthralled in the art of sanctification. [yeah... this applies to me.]

There is a gloom that settles in when we think about the fact that the people in our society who are most honorable, meaning who live life with integrity of what they know, are the apathetic. How come the people who live what they believe have to be the lazy ones?

I did see that it’s better to be smart than stupid, just as light is better than darkness. Even so, though the smart ones see where they’re going and the stupid ones grope in the dark, they’re all the same in the end. One fate for all—and that’s it. When I realized that my fate’s the same as the fool’s, I had to ask myself, “So why bother being wise?”

So don’t knock yourself out being good, and don’t go overboard being wise. Believe me, you won’t get anything out of it. But don’t press your luck by being bad, either. And don’t be reckless. Why die needlessly?

The only redemption of life I’ve found to hang on to is the Incarnation.

I believe – help my unbelief.